How To Deal With Your Kid's Inappropriate Behavior

Kids and tantrums are two of the things that are inseparable and every parent knows that, myself included. It's our responsibility as parents to tame them during these times and believe me, dealing with a kid that is throwing a tantrum is no piece of cake. It will eat up every ounce of patience you got. It will definitely test your tolerance.


So how do you deal with your kid's inappropriate behavior?


IGNORE. Yes, it is best when you ignore your kid. If your kid is wailing somewhere then act like you don't hear anything. Never yell at him/her. Do not even talk to him/her nor look at him/her. When your kid sees that he/she is getting your attention by screaming out loud, the more he/she will scream. On the contrary, if your kid finds out that he/she is not getting your attention by doing so, he/she is more likely to stop. Your kid must realize that he/she is not getting what he/she wanted by screaming out. Your kid must realize that you are not affected by his/her action. Take note, your kid's tantrums may last for as long as 30 minutes or more so you must be prepared. Ignore him/her the entire time. And when he/she stops throwing that tantrum, praise him/her. You may say something like, "I'm so glad you stopped screaming. You are more adorable when you don't scream, you know." 


WALK AWAY. There are times when your kid's tantrums seems to last forever. When your kid pushes you to the breaking point, either of these will happen --- you gave in to his/her request or you ended up hitting him/her. None of these is right. It is never right to hit our kids but it is also not advisable that we gave in to their requests just to stop them from throwing tantrums. Chances are, he/she will have the impression that by merely shouting, he/she is to get everything he/she wants. The best thing to do? Walk away from your kid. Give yourself, as well as your kid, the chance to calm down. Let things cool down a bit. 


DISTRACT. "Distraction technique" is one effective way in diverting a kid's attention. Like for instance, if your kids are fighting, you may invite them both to help you with something. Or maybe you tell them to watch a movie together. Or if your kid is playing with something pointed, do not just tell him/her to put it down, give him/her something else to play with. By distracting them, you are diverting their attention from doing something inappropriate. 


SUBSTITUTE. When your kid is doing something inappropriate, do the "substitution technique". Like for example, telling your kid to stop drawing on your wall with crayons seldom works. What you can do is to give him/her something else to draw on. Hand him/her a coloring book. By giving him/her a coloring book, you are diverting his/her attention from the wall without depriving him/her of what he/she wanted to do at that moment. 


CRITICIZE IN A POSITIVE WAY. Nobody likes criticism, even kids. Criticisms hurt. Criticisms cause kids to get angry and to act in an appropriate way. So how do you criticize your kids in such a way that he/she will not take it against you? Do it in a positive and gentle way. If your kid kept throwing ball around your living room, do not merely tell him/her to stop. You may say things like, "You are great with balls. I think you'll be a good basketball player when you grow up. But balls are not supposed to be played inside the living room. It should be played outside. Will you stop playing with that ball while you're in here?" 


GIVE CHOICES. Why do you think kids always reject your every idea? Why do think they seldom follow your every instruction? The answer is simple, they are seeking independence. They wanted to feel like they're on their own. So never tell your kids to do this and that. They are likely to oppose. The trick is you give them choices. How? Simple. If you want your kid to eat potatoes, you ask him/her. "What do you want for dinner? Sour Cream Mashed Potatoes or Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes?"  Or perhaps you wanted your kid to attend church with you then you ask him/her, "What time are we going to go to church? Early in the morning or later in the afternoon?" Your kid must feel that he/she is deciding on his/her own. That's the best way of having him/her do what you wanted him/her to do without giving him/her the feeling that you are bossing him/her around.


BE HUMOROUS. Let's admit it. Now that our thoughts are drowned by the constant hustle and bustle of life, we forgot how to laugh and even how to smile. We no longer know how to put humor back in our lives. Humor is very good, it can loosen up tensed situation. Do not be afraid to put a little humor in your relationship with your kids. Act a little silly sometimes, play with your kids, laugh with them. Being funny and creative helps a lot, too, in having your kid do something you like him/her to do. Like for instance, if your kid refuses to go to bed because he/she likes to play with his/her toys still, tell him/her that his/her toys are already soooo tired and that they are dying to hit the bed. Try to invent stories and do it in a humorous way. Be creative. Be funny. And be convincing. 


YOU'RE A MODEL SO ACT LIKE ONE. Sometimes, we forgot the fact that our kids are looking up to us. Yes, we are the very first person that they are likely to imitate. Therefore, if you wanted your kids to act appropriately then do so. Practice what you preach. Be a good role model to your kids, that's the best parenting technique you can ever do. 


Parenting is never easy and there's no perfect parenting technique. But with a little patience and lots of love, you will do just fine. Just follow what your heart tells you and you can never go wrong. Remember, God gave you mother's instinct so you use it. 


Happy parenting! :)